Embarking on a Journey of Self-Discovery: Unveiling the Insights of 'Maybe you should talk to someone' | When everything feels heavy

"Maybe You Should Talk To Someone," authored by therapist and writer Lori Gottlieb, begins with a quote that sets the tone for the entire journey within its pages: "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. Most people do not just happen." 

Lori discussed talks with her patients during the session to help the reader see themselves more clearly and to reveal how human suffers. The book that asks 'How do we change?' describes interpersonal relationships and unveils the wisdom to see oneself in a way that one hasn't seen before. The way it is written pulls at the reader's heartstrings but also makes the reader laugh. This book is a therapy in itself. It shares stories about how we heal and where it leads us. It has therapeutic qualities and provides a form of healing. 

This book made me realize that your life is not something someone gives you, but something you choose yourself,  and you are the one who decides how you live. As stated in Adlerian psychology unhappiness is something you choose for yourself. One awakens when one sees the responsibility to change. 

The lessons I learned from this book have profoundly impacted my perspective on life. Some of the key lessons got by heart-

1. Have Compassion -

One of Lori's patients couldn't see others as comrades rather he see them as "idiots" and was finding it difficult to work on his sleep deprivation problem and was finding it hard to connect with his family to which Lori believed that one should have compassion. Don't we see other people as enemies or idiots? One should "Have compassion. Have compassion. Have compassion." while dealing with other people. We all are human beings after all. We all have emotions. One should not be self-centered but rather one should try to understand others, have empathy, and avoid forming hasty judgments about people. You can have compassion for others by becoming self-aware, by understanding your emotions and what triggers you. This helps you understand others with empathy. Because we don't know what others are going through and being kind to the community helps. As Lori's supervisor said-"There's something likable in everyone. " to which the therapist Lori agreed and realized that "It's impossible to get to know people deeply and not come to like them."

2. The Perfect is the Enemy of the Good-

Yes, the perfect is the enemy of the good. The therapist focused on how people tend to blame their situations and make ideal scenarios and believe that they can be happy with that exact situation. It's like if A is the situation, so B cannot be done. For instance, 'If he didn't drop out of business school to become a writer he'd be my dream guy, or 'I wish I was well educated to get this job to live my life as I want.'  

This is like if "queen had balls, she'd be the king". Such a mindset is not conducive to a fulfilling life. Irrespective of the circumstances,  the key lies in embracing the present and channeling one's utmost efforts as if immersed in the very envisioned circumstance. One should not live life like this. It doesn't matter what is the situation one should focus on the present and how they can give their best as if they were in that situation they had been dreaming about. One should not make their situation an excuse. This is just finding a reason to not make efforts to change. The therapist gives attention to how people get caught up in making things perfect and as a result, never get anything done.  

3. Don't be a Terrible Narrator of your Problems-

Frequently, we find ourselves amplifying circumstances and magnifying our challenges to such an extent that we become ensnared within the labyrinth of our thoughts. This leads us to squander both time and energy upon these quandaries and everything feels heavy like your brain and heart can't take it anymore. Lori says that what her patients say to her during the session is true but it's more that every story has multiple threads, they selectively omit the intricate threads of their dilemmas that fail to harmonize with their established viewpoints. People don't know what they're feeling, it's just that feeling you get when you mess up. Lori emphasizes that one should know how to present their problems it's the starting point to heal. 

4. The Only Way Out Is Through-

"The only way to get to the other side of the tunnel is to go through it, not around it." This mantra encapsulates the essence of resilience and underscores the idea that true growth and transformation arise from facing challenges head-on, rather than avoiding or sidestepping them. Here Lori emphasizes the power of acceptance. This principle entails acknowledging the reality of our circumstances without denial.  One should embrace the discomfort and learn from adversity. 

5. One Step At A Time-

Life's terrain is unpredictable, filled with twists and turns we cannot foresee. Instead of being paralyzed by uncertainty,  we can draw strength from the philosophy of one step at a time. 

This book shines as a beacon of authenticity and self-discovery which reminds us that sometimes, the meaningful journey is the one within ourselves.